back at it!

Ch-ch-check it out, my Etsy site is back up and running! Some life changing events have been going on, and I'm not one to complain! My work life is re-arranging, and I've been happier than ever. I'm able to focus on so many positive things in life, and I thought I'd bring back my little shop. I took pictures and uploaded new photographs today, and I have ten new wine bags in the works. Back in the day, I began cutting ties for another five new purses, so I'm hoping to get them finished, too. I'll also be adding in a section for custom orders, like tie pillows, and my necktie Christmas tree skirts. I'm hoping to post more blog updates, too... especially since I created an entire quilt top without even posting an update... I know, how dare me! Cheers to all, more posts to come!

tiny reminder, new beginning

It was over a year and a half ago that my beloved bun Moe Skeeto passed away. He was such a great companion, a true little joker and all around funny bunny. For the first few weeks after he passed, I was inconsolable. Every time I went up to the 3rd floor (his gigantic playroom and living area) I felt sad, and I eventually just began avoiding the space. Gradually the feelings of hurt were replaced by happy reminders and fond memories, but it took quite sometime. After my exams were finished in May, I decided to paint a little tribute to him in our garden. There is a large, flat rock surrounded by irises,  and I thought it would be the perfect place to paint his picture. I sketched his image, and used generic acrylics to paint his likeness. It's not perfect, but then again, who or what is? Tiger, our cat, wasn't his best friend, but I knew they had some sort of fuzzy connection. In the nice weather, she goes outside and rests right near his picture. It gives me the fuzzies, too.

In time, the heart can learn to love again. After about a year, I thought about adopting a new little one. After all, everybunny deserves a forever home, right? After school was finally finished, after I finally finished all of my board exams, and after we FINALLY went on vacation! the time was right. I took a trip to the SPCA, and indeed, they had fuzzy ones that needed a home. A small, black female rabbit. No name. Nowhere to go. So I went home, setup her room, went back and brought her home. It was immediately apparent that she was in fact a he. Ms. Toot C. Roll became Mr. Toot C. Roll. He is so different from Moe, yet so the same. It goes without saying that you can never replace a lost love one. But you can learn to love another!

my first real craft show!

I had a great time at my first real craft show! I brought along 40 wine bags, 4 tie-purses, some poof ball flowers and vases that I made for the wedding, and two small paintings which you might remember: abcdef fail and anxiety.

A lot of people made me feel so great: Compliments on how clever my ideas really made me smile. It was wonderful to hear people admiring my sewing and my bags. AAAAAAAAND (drum-roll PLZ....) I SOLD 4 BAGS! I'm so glad I made more bags and spent time preparing as much as I could. I did learn a couple of things from my craft show experience.

• I need sign. I picked up foam-core to make one the other night, and I decided that it wouldn't look professional enough, so I didn't bother making one. I need to make one like I made for Bamboula. One that says something like CRAFTS MADE FROM TIES! or CREATIONS FROM TIES! or something like that.
• I wonder if I'm not being confident enough. I was so happy to talk to visitors at the table, that I didn't really "sell myself" like other people were. Is that a key to success?
• It would have been nice to have someone there for a couple minutes so I could have left to use the bathroom, or to walk around to see other peoples things. At one point, I had to pee so bad that I left a note that said BE BACK IN A MINUTE! and asked the couple next to me if they wouldn't mind keeping an eye out for me. 

All in all it was a great day for a great cause. I hope I can do more fairs in the future, and maybe with some luck, I can have some more success!

blanket is fo'evs

Not many friends of mine still have their baby blanket. Yes, you could consider me some sort of odd-ball because YES, I still have mine. It's name is Blanket. I sleep with it every night. Maybe I shouldn't be making these statements over the internets.

Anywho, I went to the fabric store last Friday because my dear Blanket was in desperate need of help. I've washed it so many times over the past... oh... 29 years, that the fabric was literally shredding apart. Mind you, that Blanket has been recovered twice already. So the original blanket was enclosed in a blanket, which was within the outermost blanket. I picked a yard of yellow and a yard of white, paid for my purchase, and went home to work on Blanket. I didn't finish it in one night though. Which meant that:

I WAS WITHOUT MY BLANKET FOR ONE NIGHT.
THE HORROR.

The next day, I woke up depressed because of my non-Blanket night, but I was determined to finish it. I completed the blanket's envelope the night before, and all I had left to do was pin the blanket to the interior of the envelope, stitch it in place, and of course... add the signature "Jill's Blanket" to the corner. It let's everyone know to BACK OFF, because it's MY BLANKET.


I didn't choose the blanket life. The blanket life chose me.

It has been with me from my earliest, most surly days. See how upset I was? Why was everyone smiling? Clearly I was sad that I couldn't eat turkey yet. It was also with me the day I tried to eat my shoe. It traveled with me to my Audi's house. Lady dog loved my blanket. It was with me every Christmas: From the year that I got thee Domino Rally, to the one where I had brace-face and got my froggy slippers from Santa. It even traveled with me to Florida on our Griswold family vacation. So what if I was in my second year of college?

I may be a softy because I sleep with my Blanket, but I love it and see no reason why I should give it up. There are very few mementos that we hold onto while we transition from childhood into adulthood, other than pictures and Polaroids that we can look back on in our later years. But every time I curl up with my Blanket, it instantly transports me to every single night I've fallen asleep with it. There's not many things in life that can do that.

ERMAHGERD! BLAAAANKERRRRRT!

all tied up.

Figuratively. And literally. But not like that. Figuratively I've been tied up with wedding planning. And ceiling fixing. And ignoring basic responsibilities in life while watching the Food Network. Literally I'm not tied up. How would I be typing this if I were tied up?

I've been sorta off lately, needless to say. I haven't felt much like blogging, crafting, or  all the other yadda yaddas. Most people I've told this to say that it's normal for people to relax and not be "productive" all the time. But for me, not doing those things becomes literally depressing. I feel like I should be working on wine bags, poof ball flowers and be all sunshine and smiles. But when I try to find the motivation in me to start sewing or crafting... well, there is none. So I sit down instead. And think of all the things I could be doing. And I don't do anything. Except I watch the Food Network. F***ing Food Network. Everything is so ga'damn delicious.

Luckily, that all changed yesterday. I finally told myself ENOUGH ALREADY! No more excuses!

I went out and got 7.5 yards of fabric. Today, I sewed the exterior of 7 new wine bags, in a completely new design! And I cut the inside fabric for a total of 16 wine bags.

new tie pattern!

new fabric!

In other news, I kinda looked like Where's Waldo today.

don't hate.

fond memories

Yesterday I had the pleasure of running into my former sculpture professor while I was hanging up fliers for the Bike Art & Student show at the MRAC (<-- another story, for another time). I had just paid for my large iced coffee at the local DD, when I turned around and instantly recognized her. And I was so flattered that she recognized me as well. With our coffees in hand, and my bike in tow, we walked back to her home where we discussed our activities over the past seven years. I was surprised that she remembered my bark and latex figures. They were something that I've always loved to work on, and should do so more often, now that I think about it.

From the way I was explaining my so called 'art-goings-on' it honestly sounded like I was trying to convince not only her, but myself of my involvement in the art world, if you could call it that. I've done a good amount of work in the past couple years... but... I don't know. Nothing extraordinary, I guess. And no, I'm not being hard on myself. It's the simple truth. I'm an artist with professional training with a full time accounting job. I try to allot the time to work on pieces on my 'off-time', and sometimes I simply cannot. Sometimes I feel like I've failed already.

Seeing her again... It makes me yearn to begin new sculptures. It makes me want to finish the work that I have already begun. It makes me sad that I don't have a functional sculpture studio space to work in. Sure, I have my 'office' that doubles as my sewing room, where I can cut stained glass and paint... but a sculpture studio, it will never be. I'll either ruin the floor, muck up the walls, damage the stairway to and fro, this or that or so on. Sigh.

Will I ever work on sculpture ever again? HELL YES I WILL. I don't know when, but I have so many concepts that I want to explore. I wonder if other artists have gone through similar periods in their lifetime. First and foremost, I have to finish three projects that I've already started. None of which I'm keeping myself. Only one of which I'm being paid for. I have to stop doing that, too.

no news is good news.

This is a small painting I began during the week, after I wrote my last post about the confusion I was feeling. I grabbed a handful of colors and brush and began aimlessly painting my feelings. I saw a newspaper lying next to me and decided to incorporate some headlines and articles. Today, I added a pastel drawing: A girl in the corner, burying her head: Protecting herself from the world around her. And the saying "sometimes no news is good news".

While being the recipient of good news is always great, being on the receiving end of bad news seldom feels so good. In fact, I think most would agree that it f***ing sucks. Especially for a person who doesn't deal with feelings as productively as she should. Too often have I bottled my emotions and let them explode at an inopportune moments. I'm trying much harder these days to deal with the realities that life offers, even if it means that I have to contemplate the path that I travel much more often.

I've always taken comfort in this little saying. It's a saying that, in my immediate family, always follows the phrase: "So other than that, there's nothing else new or exciting going on." But the reality is, sometimes there is news. It's not always exciting, and you have to deal with it the best you can and be a comfort to those around you. Getting some of my feelings out onto a canvas felt... I don't know... fulfilling, I guess. Much better than an explosive crying fit. Although I'm only 1/2 through a bottle of wine: The night is young.

100.

Blogs are interesting things. It allows you (and by you I mean me. And you too, I guess) to go back and peruse the thoughts recorded in digital time, while contemplating how it relates to you in the future. And by the future, I mean now. I can already tell, this post is going to be complicated, so I'm getting another cup of coffee.

My goal of this blog was to "find the special little things in life that inspire me to create and contemplate, whist maintaining my "responsibilities" (like work, relationships, exercise, showering... )". It metastasized into something much different, very quickly: It became a chronicle of projects, detailing processes and outcomes instead of the feelings and inspiration behind it.

So after 100 posts, how do I feel? If I had to choose one word, it'd be confused. While the blog didn't exactly stick to the original plan, I kind of like the way it chronicles projects a little more. Do I wish I included more daily inspirations? Yes, and I'll try to work on that more in the future. Although sometimes when it comes to a project, it's create for the sake of creating.

There are so many things that I like to do, but it seems impossible to "choose a path" like some people have suggested. Is it going to be wine bags all the way? Will I try my hand at fine art and exhibiting more? Or am I more poised to be a home do-it-yourselfer? I don't think I'll ever have one solid path, to be honest. Maybe my natural path is an ebb-n-flow like the ocean tide instead of a straight one way road.

Here's to 100 posts, and a good journey so far. Self discovery is tough shit, but it really helps to put my thoughts down. And it doesn't hurt to add MS Paint, if you ask me. :D

same ol' shizzle, different dizzle.

Last week had an obvious lack of posting. To be honest, I was a little burned out from the constant crafting over the past couple of weeks. Finish this painting, frame that one, and that one, stained glass, spray paint this, cushions galore... I needed a g'damn break from being crafty. So I took a week off. I can't say that I'm back with a vengeance yet, or even with gusto. I'm tip-toeing back. I may retreat at some point and resort to the comfort of watching Wild Russia and How It's Made.

I still haven't been able to find a good balance when it comes to everything that I have on my plate. If there's anything I've learned from this blog (now 99 posts and counting), it's that urges come and go. My activities and schedule vary from week to week, and I won't really know if I'm excited about something until the moment is upon me. For example: I knew yesterday would be the perfect day to be outside. It doesn't get much better than sunny and 68 degrees. Unless it's 70 and sunny. I also knew that I had a shit-ton of soldering to do. Another thing I learned is that it's horrible to solder indoors. The fumes, while deliciously intoxicating, are extremely intoxicating and quite bad for your health. Was I excited to solder? Not really. Was I excited to be outside? Absolutely.

Exciting + Not So Exciting = Pleasurably Tolerable, if you ask me.

So, I spent a good two or three hours outside, finished soldering and earned a 5 star sunburn on my neck and shoulders. Don't let April fool you. It burns.

Zoe Strauss: Ten Years

Yesterday I was lucky enough to accompany my two great friends (who you may remember from earlier blog adventures ) to the Philadelphia Museum of Art to view "Zoe Strauss: Ten Years". After circling the museum for what seemed like forever trying to find a parking spot through the waves of visitors (good for the museum but unfortunate for my road rage) I finally headed in, skipping the admissions line because they were nice enough to grab a ticket for me. It was an amazing show, but left me feeling utterly… I dunno… uncomfortable.

New York Times reporter Karen Rosenberg shared her thoughts on exhibition: But where the article shines in its description of Strauss' past I-95 exhibitions and her ability to capture the essence and grittiness of the moment, it fails to convey the feeling that one gets viewing her photographs within the confines of the museum. Rosenberg notes that: "This [exhibition] feels a bit overloaded, if deliberately so, with 170 prints and 3 slide shows arrayed in a space much smaller than the football-field-size site under the highway." I do in fact believe that large number of prints was a deliberate move, forcing the viewer to acknowledge the daily blight that surrounds our so-called "comfort zones".

But what makes the room feel overcrowded is not the work itself, but the massive amounts of viewers that have paid admission to view these scenes of life captured in neighborhoods that lie far from the PMA. You wouldn’t be able to pay these people to take a tour of Camden, Biloxi, or Hunting Park, let alone meet the people that are the subjects of the photographs. Strauss has raised my consciousness through this juxtaposition, making the safe world of the PMA feel utterly uncomfortable, and making me yearn to view the photographs under I-95. I haven’t felt that moved by an exhibition in years, and for that she deserves a whole-hearted WELL DONE. 

Clearly, I need to plan an outing to view her Billboard Project around the city. I think seeing the photographs, larger than life in Philadelphia's neighborhoods, will have me appreciating her work more than I do now.

package details.

I was so excited yesterday! You probably already saw that I had my first sale over at Etsy. HOLLA! After my euphoria settled into amazement, and the amazement settled into wonder, I began to think: How should I package my item?  It's not everyday that I send someone a package in the mail, and I don't want to just throw the bag in another bag, slap a stamp on it and ship it off. I want my recipient to feel like they're opening up a gift! I want them to feel special! So what to do?

Unfortunately, there's not much I can do with the flat rate box, but once she opens up the box she'll be greeted with this:

A colorful printed envelope, a thank you note, a receipt, a business card and colorful tissue paper round out the package. If I'm going to be serious about selling my crafts online, then I need to let the purchaser know how much I care, and how I truly appreciate their purchase. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be doing this.

bueller? anyone?

I feel the urge to craft today. Or at least do something, DAMNIT.

I've been feeling very blah lately.  Much of that feeling comes from being sick.  I'm on my 11th day of not feeling 100%, and now instead of it taking a toll on my physical well being, it's taking a toll on my mental well being. At first I was all like, "Nah, I'm OK!  It's just a cold, it'll pass! Life is good!"  Now I'm all like "I want to do something, but I'm still sitting on the couch moping about my lack of actually doing anything. What should I do?".  It's a vicious crappy cycle, based solely on my inability to GET THE F&*$ UP AND DO SOMETHING. Plus I keep having coughing fits which annoy the shit out of anyone I'm around. So I'm better off doing something by myself, or at least that's what my head is telling me.

The thing is, I want to do a bunch of things: Go out to get a beer with real people, sew more rows of the quilt, cook a delicious meal, exercise, socialize.  BE PRODUCTIVE.  But who wants a fogged-head, coughing, snotty mess hanging around them? Anyone? Anyone know the effects? It did not work, and the United States sank deeper into the Great Depression. Today we have a similar debate over this. Anyone know what this is? Class? Anyone? Anyone? Anyone seen this before?.... sorry, I got carried away in the Bueller moment.

So tonight, my plans are to hit up hot yoga at 6:15 (<--check!).  Cook a nice soup out of all the awesome produce I've gotten from Produce Junction (<--check!).  Do something crafty (<--check!).  And for chrissake, make actual plans for tomorrow night (<--friggin check!).

(updates in bold!)

the greatest gift of all.

Today I was going to write a quick update aptly titled 200 down, 24 to go! with an picture of me holding a giant stack of sewed fabric.  But, my story quickly changed last night when Lou yelled up to me “Hey, you got a package in the mail from Jenny!”  First of all, I was doubled over in excitement that I actually got a package in the mail.  I think I did a little happy dance, but I can’t be sure of that.  Secondly, my thoughts instantly went to… did I forget anything at her house that she had to send back to me?

I retrieved the box and carefully opened it. And I literally, literally could feel tears of joy welling up in my eyes.  She had sent me memories: Fabrics, pictures and wonderful things, all from Audi’s house.  I immediately pulled out a small coffee creamer, and a note that read “One of gram’s coffee creamers (DO NOT put a carton on the table anymore!!!).  I laughed out loud as tears streamed down my face.  I dug deeper into the box and pulled out pictures: The ones that I used to stare at aimlessly in the hallway in between the bedrooms.  Deeper still, I found stacks of fabrics from around her house: The curtains from the guest bedroom, pillowcases from sleepovers and fabric from the armchair.

For about 20 or 30 minutes, I went through everything… reading and rereading notes that Jenny wrote to me, looking at pictures, feeling the fabric.  I’m pretty sure I was fantasizing about asking people over for coffee, seeing that I now possessed a prized creamer.   I felt like I was back in her house.  And that felt so nice.

 

Tonight I’ll hang up all the family pictures that Jenny sent to me in my art/sewing room, but only after I pour myself a cup of coffee, with half n’ half from my new creamer.  Twenty four squares will be made out of the fabric that she sent to me.  Call it a coincidence, but that’s one square for every one year that I got to spend with Audi.  Honestly, I don’t think it’s a coincidence at all.  I think there are other forces about.  I think it’s love. 

Let this be a lesson for everyone.  A simple thought or gesture, no matter how big or small, can lift a person’s spirits and (re)fill their heart with love, enthusiasm and faith.  What an incredible gift she gave to me, as I was struggling with anxiety and gradually loosing my faith in humanity.  Boy was I wrong about it all.

40 posts Q&A

For my 40th post, I decided to answer some questions people have been asking me lately about my blog.  And by people, I mean myself. 

Q: When do you find the time to write your blog posts?
A: You'll notice that most (if not all) of my posts are between the hours of 8am-4pm, Monday through Friday.  There's no coincidence that I post when I'm at work, due to the lack of actual work that I have to do.

Q: Why don't you allow comments on your blog posts?
A: Ah, I was wondering if I was going to ask myself that.  Technically I started this blog to keep me inspired, and to track my progress... not only on projects, but in life.  It's nice to be able to analyze my feelings and moods, and connect them to how productive I am.  If I allowed comments on the blog, I would end up shifting my focus to what people think of what I'm doing, instead of what I think. 

Q: What has been your favorite project to work on so far?
A: That's a great question.  Probably because I asked it to myself.  So far all of my sewing projects have a lot of fun... I love the purses because of the wide variety of colors that I get to use.  My least favorite is the stained glass.  It's not that I don't love stained glass, it's just that the project didn't live up to my expectations.

Q: If you could have dinner with one famous artist, who would it be and why?
A:  If I had to choose just one, it would be Kiki Smith.  Her works are amazing.  AMAZING.  I wish I could describe how awesome they are... on second thought, visit her interactive site at the MoMA.  See?  Amazing. If I could choose a bunch of artists to hang out with, I'd curl up on my couch in the winter with endless amounts of chili and hot chocolate and watch every single season of Art21.

Q: Do you miss sculpture?
A: Absolutely.  My time and space constraints don't allow me to work on big works of art at the moment.  Plus, I tend to become reclusive when I'm working on sculptures: All of my time and energy go into the piece, and not into socializing... or taking care of myself.  But some day, my sketches will come to life again, and massive figurative works will be born.  For now, I'm happy with sewing and crafting.  And having friends.

Q: Glass half-empty or half-full?
A:  I always forget which one I am.  It's the one where I'm real positive and optimistic.  Hold on, lemme Google that... Wikipedia says I'm half-full.  I try to make the best out of every situation.  You can't always dwell on the things that go wrong, or you might miss everything else that's going right.  That's not to say that I don't have my moments.  Everyone does.  But you've got to keep everything in perspective or you'll loose sight of the big picture.

Q: Why are you pretending that someone else is asking you these questions?
A: Because, I don't want people to think I'm nuts.

emotional fabric.

This weekend as I was driving up to visit mi familia, I passed by my grandmothers house and unloaded some big heavy tears in the process. It's been four years since I've been to her house.  Four years since our family moved out all of her furniture, polished the word work, and closed the front door for the last time.  Four long years since she passed away from lung cancer.  In that time many things have happened: I've moved (4 times), been on TV (once) and started dating a wonderful person (one that she'd like, she wouldn't say "I never liked that one anyway" about this one). But the one thing that hasn't happened is the one thing that I vow to accomplish during the winter: I'm going to make a quilt, and I'm making it for Audi.  I always wanted to learn how to quilt from her, but I never got the chance. And you can't imagine how angry I get at myself when I say "I never got the chance" because in all honesty, I had the chance.  I had 24 years of chances.  I would have made them all count if I knew how limited my time was.

This past Saturday, three generations of us visited her local quilt shop, and we all left with a goody-bag.  That was a rule with Audi: if you go shopping, you don't leave empty handed! (Ahem, I should also say that we did the same when it came to antiquing, too...)  I found some wonderful scrap fabrics, made even more wonderful because it was only $5 for a bag o' scraps.  She'd be proud.  I have been collecting scraps over the past four years, and now I'll finally begin assembling them into something that I can be proud of.  Something that she'd be proud of.  That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

beginning the beast.

As of yesterday, I re-started working on the stained glass piece... I think from now on, I'll just call it The Beast.  Here is my original sketch for the piece:

The sketch was made before I went glass shopping, but luckily most of the colors are almost exactly the same. I chose opaque glass for the project for one main reason: The triptych will eventually be back-lit, so I thought using opaque glass would give the piece a really unique glow.  However, I couldn't find an opaque glass in the purple/fushia category, so I decided to go with a deep fushia translucent glass.  I thought it would contrast really nice with the opaque colors, and will definitely give a focal point to the finished piece.

Here is what I'm starting with.  The pieces that are in white are the ones that have already been cut.  All of the spots that are blank... well, those are the ones that I still need to cut.  The blue and black glass is still on back-order for the time being (FROWN) but I check the site every day to see if it's back in stock.

In the meantime, I'm going to clean and foil all of the pieces I have already cut.  Yesterday I finished the left panel.  I forgot to take a picture though... I hope to get them all cleaned and foiled by Wednesday, which is my first goal date.  I'm hesitating on setting a final goal date until I can get my hands on the materials I need.  Don't judge me.

MUST CONQUER THE BEAST!!!!!!
(that's what she said.)

holy s*** batman, my renewed energy is ridiculous.

On Monday night, I was thinking about how tired I was from running around like a nutcase and how I hoped that I'd be able to stay awake (and un-grumpy) to fully enjoy Tuesday night.  Little did I know then, that my mind tried to secretly sabotage me into thinking that way.  All because of that tiny bit of self doubt!  Shit, this thinking is impressive.  I need coffee to finish these thoughts.  Let's reflect.

How do I explain this properly?... if I have tasks to do today, I'll do them in the order that I've placed them... A,B,C, D, etc.  Before I go about these tasks, I think about how I will feel when I complete them. Remember?  On Monday night, I thought that I would feel tired and grumpy last night.  However, for one reason or another, last night I diverged off my usual path of inadvertently predicting my feelings, and I meandered into uncharted Jill waters.  It was very freeing, and it felt wonderfully un-anxious.  At the end of the night, I felt enjoyment because I did enjoy myself, not because I thought I would enjoy myself.  I think that's about as clear as that thought is going to get.

Diverging off my set path breathed life into my night and gave me this renewed sense of energy.  That sentence might not be grammatically correct, but honey badger don't care.  I face today with excitement about upcoming art projects and about life.  Move over Confucius, there's a new thinker in town. And she just finished her coffee.