anxiety painting

I've been quite the fan of splatter paintings lately. You might recall my last two, abcdef FAIL. and Time to Eat??. The first part requires me to squeeze copious amounts of acrylic paint onto a 5x5 canvas. Controlled messiness is fun! After that, it's all about what I find in my mind to apply to the surface.

I started a new one this past week.. reds, creams and yellows. I accidentally blew a load of glitter over it. But I ended up liking it, thank God. There's no undoing glitter. Once it's there, IT'S THERE. It looked to harmonious, so I added silver. I remembered that I had my mom's old medical dictionary from when she did nursing... so I pulled it out and started perusing through different afflictions, disorders, viruses and diseases. Good times, indeed. Who knew that SO MUCH could go wrong within your own body?

I'm not sure what order I found things in, but I discovered various medical drawings of the body and explanations for anxiety disorders. I started combining them together on the surface, adding my own paintings and ink drawings to blend them all together. I'm still not finished, but here's the progress so far.

fond memories

Yesterday I had the pleasure of running into my former sculpture professor while I was hanging up fliers for the Bike Art & Student show at the MRAC (<-- another story, for another time). I had just paid for my large iced coffee at the local DD, when I turned around and instantly recognized her. And I was so flattered that she recognized me as well. With our coffees in hand, and my bike in tow, we walked back to her home where we discussed our activities over the past seven years. I was surprised that she remembered my bark and latex figures. They were something that I've always loved to work on, and should do so more often, now that I think about it.

From the way I was explaining my so called 'art-goings-on' it honestly sounded like I was trying to convince not only her, but myself of my involvement in the art world, if you could call it that. I've done a good amount of work in the past couple years... but... I don't know. Nothing extraordinary, I guess. And no, I'm not being hard on myself. It's the simple truth. I'm an artist with professional training with a full time accounting job. I try to allot the time to work on pieces on my 'off-time', and sometimes I simply cannot. Sometimes I feel like I've failed already.

Seeing her again... It makes me yearn to begin new sculptures. It makes me want to finish the work that I have already begun. It makes me sad that I don't have a functional sculpture studio space to work in. Sure, I have my 'office' that doubles as my sewing room, where I can cut stained glass and paint... but a sculpture studio, it will never be. I'll either ruin the floor, muck up the walls, damage the stairway to and fro, this or that or so on. Sigh.

Will I ever work on sculpture ever again? HELL YES I WILL. I don't know when, but I have so many concepts that I want to explore. I wonder if other artists have gone through similar periods in their lifetime. First and foremost, I have to finish three projects that I've already started. None of which I'm keeping myself. Only one of which I'm being paid for. I have to stop doing that, too.

no news is good news.

This is a small painting I began during the week, after I wrote my last post about the confusion I was feeling. I grabbed a handful of colors and brush and began aimlessly painting my feelings. I saw a newspaper lying next to me and decided to incorporate some headlines and articles. Today, I added a pastel drawing: A girl in the corner, burying her head: Protecting herself from the world around her. And the saying "sometimes no news is good news".

While being the recipient of good news is always great, being on the receiving end of bad news seldom feels so good. In fact, I think most would agree that it f***ing sucks. Especially for a person who doesn't deal with feelings as productively as she should. Too often have I bottled my emotions and let them explode at an inopportune moments. I'm trying much harder these days to deal with the realities that life offers, even if it means that I have to contemplate the path that I travel much more often.

I've always taken comfort in this little saying. It's a saying that, in my immediate family, always follows the phrase: "So other than that, there's nothing else new or exciting going on." But the reality is, sometimes there is news. It's not always exciting, and you have to deal with it the best you can and be a comfort to those around you. Getting some of my feelings out onto a canvas felt... I don't know... fulfilling, I guess. Much better than an explosive crying fit. Although I'm only 1/2 through a bottle of wine: The night is young.

100.

Blogs are interesting things. It allows you (and by you I mean me. And you too, I guess) to go back and peruse the thoughts recorded in digital time, while contemplating how it relates to you in the future. And by the future, I mean now. I can already tell, this post is going to be complicated, so I'm getting another cup of coffee.

My goal of this blog was to "find the special little things in life that inspire me to create and contemplate, whist maintaining my "responsibilities" (like work, relationships, exercise, showering... )". It metastasized into something much different, very quickly: It became a chronicle of projects, detailing processes and outcomes instead of the feelings and inspiration behind it.

So after 100 posts, how do I feel? If I had to choose one word, it'd be confused. While the blog didn't exactly stick to the original plan, I kind of like the way it chronicles projects a little more. Do I wish I included more daily inspirations? Yes, and I'll try to work on that more in the future. Although sometimes when it comes to a project, it's create for the sake of creating.

There are so many things that I like to do, but it seems impossible to "choose a path" like some people have suggested. Is it going to be wine bags all the way? Will I try my hand at fine art and exhibiting more? Or am I more poised to be a home do-it-yourselfer? I don't think I'll ever have one solid path, to be honest. Maybe my natural path is an ebb-n-flow like the ocean tide instead of a straight one way road.

Here's to 100 posts, and a good journey so far. Self discovery is tough shit, but it really helps to put my thoughts down. And it doesn't hurt to add MS Paint, if you ask me. :D

same ol' shizzle, different dizzle.

Last week had an obvious lack of posting. To be honest, I was a little burned out from the constant crafting over the past couple of weeks. Finish this painting, frame that one, and that one, stained glass, spray paint this, cushions galore... I needed a g'damn break from being crafty. So I took a week off. I can't say that I'm back with a vengeance yet, or even with gusto. I'm tip-toeing back. I may retreat at some point and resort to the comfort of watching Wild Russia and How It's Made.

I still haven't been able to find a good balance when it comes to everything that I have on my plate. If there's anything I've learned from this blog (now 99 posts and counting), it's that urges come and go. My activities and schedule vary from week to week, and I won't really know if I'm excited about something until the moment is upon me. For example: I knew yesterday would be the perfect day to be outside. It doesn't get much better than sunny and 68 degrees. Unless it's 70 and sunny. I also knew that I had a shit-ton of soldering to do. Another thing I learned is that it's horrible to solder indoors. The fumes, while deliciously intoxicating, are extremely intoxicating and quite bad for your health. Was I excited to solder? Not really. Was I excited to be outside? Absolutely.

Exciting + Not So Exciting = Pleasurably Tolerable, if you ask me.

So, I spent a good two or three hours outside, finished soldering and earned a 5 star sunburn on my neck and shoulders. Don't let April fool you. It burns.

i'm learneding

To round off my amazingly productive Sunday, I went on a rampage mission to find a piece of plywood that would be awesome enough for my triptych painting. I started my search in the garage, since most awesome things end up being stashed in there. Behind the motorcycle, garden hose and endless amounts of crazy giant mountain bike tires, I found wooden gold: a 1” thick piece of plywood that measured around 12”x50”. F****** SCORE!

Now... I know that I'm not the best when it comes to woodwork (that's what she said!) but I really wanted to figure out this frame by myself. Having everything evenly spaced is über important to this self-proclaimed balance/proportion freak, so I started my measurements with the 12” length. HERE COMES THE MATH PEOPLE. The biggest painting I have is 9” in length, so that would leave me a 1.5” border around the painting. (12-9=3and3/2=1.5YAY)   However, I wanted the frame to overlap the paintings slightly, so I increased the border size to 1.75”.

Using the 1.75” border size as my guide, I continued to place the smaller two paintings next to the bigger one, adjusting the placements until I came up with a good configuration. That last sentence made me sound MUCH smarter than I expected it to. After drawing my guidelines, I was ready to step outside and cut the s*** out of my plywood.

Next, I used a LARGE drill bit to drill 12 holes into the plywood, one for each corner of the three paintings. I decided to use the jigsaw, since A: I know how to use it, and B: I knew where it was in the garage. After about 30 minutes, I had myself a rough-cut frame! My electric sander did all the dirty work smoothing it out, and now I’m ready to stain and assemble the final piece!

Three cheers for trying and succeeding!!

the balancer

Spring is a finicky season: You get luxurious bright and sunny days, mixed in with sporadic rainy dreary days. I think it's kinda funny when people complain about the rain. Is it really all that terrible? Sure, you can't do everything you wanted to outside... but what about all the things that you can be doing inside, besides complaining? And if it didn't rain, well... s***, we'd all be a little parched, wouldn't we?

When I look the big picture, the weather seems like a natural balancer for me. When it's sunny and beautiful outside, I spend all my time out in the garden. Or thinking about being outside. Or, ironically, watching HGTV shows about being in a garden. Which doesn't make any sense, because I'm inside the house watching a show about being outside the house. Any hopes of working on bags, sculptures or the quilt flies right out the window. My mind is filled with transforming the outdoors.

But on days like today where it's overcast, drizzly, dark and stormy, the reset button in my mind is clicked and I think about all the things that I can do inside. I want to race home from work, jump into comfy pants, and start on projects that will keep the wheels in my mind spinning like... well, wheels. There are three more wine bags I have cut out that need to be sewn together. There's a basted quilt that's begging to be sewn together. And there's tree bark that's sitting, waiting to be transformed into a sculpture.

Is there a point to all this? Eh, not entirely. I'm just excited to get home and get to work. If I have to depart with a point, it'd be to make the best out of every situation. I can't wait to take pictures of my weekend projects! Here's to the rain!

Zoe Strauss: Ten Years

Yesterday I was lucky enough to accompany my two great friends (who you may remember from earlier blog adventures ) to the Philadelphia Museum of Art to view "Zoe Strauss: Ten Years". After circling the museum for what seemed like forever trying to find a parking spot through the waves of visitors (good for the museum but unfortunate for my road rage) I finally headed in, skipping the admissions line because they were nice enough to grab a ticket for me. It was an amazing show, but left me feeling utterly… I dunno… uncomfortable.

New York Times reporter Karen Rosenberg shared her thoughts on exhibition: But where the article shines in its description of Strauss' past I-95 exhibitions and her ability to capture the essence and grittiness of the moment, it fails to convey the feeling that one gets viewing her photographs within the confines of the museum. Rosenberg notes that: "This [exhibition] feels a bit overloaded, if deliberately so, with 170 prints and 3 slide shows arrayed in a space much smaller than the football-field-size site under the highway." I do in fact believe that large number of prints was a deliberate move, forcing the viewer to acknowledge the daily blight that surrounds our so-called "comfort zones".

But what makes the room feel overcrowded is not the work itself, but the massive amounts of viewers that have paid admission to view these scenes of life captured in neighborhoods that lie far from the PMA. You wouldn’t be able to pay these people to take a tour of Camden, Biloxi, or Hunting Park, let alone meet the people that are the subjects of the photographs. Strauss has raised my consciousness through this juxtaposition, making the safe world of the PMA feel utterly uncomfortable, and making me yearn to view the photographs under I-95. I haven’t felt that moved by an exhibition in years, and for that she deserves a whole-hearted WELL DONE. 

Clearly, I need to plan an outing to view her Billboard Project around the city. I think seeing the photographs, larger than life in Philadelphia's neighborhoods, will have me appreciating her work more than I do now.

sketchy sketchums.

This morning in an attempt to play catch-up, I was going to blitz through all of my work and write a new blog post!  My attempt was thwarted however, when I got into work and realized that the phones are down.  And so is my internet connection.  Then to my obvious joy and delight, I saw my USB thingy sitting in my purse.  Therefore I am typing this post at work, and I’ll upload it later from home.  Don’t be jealous of my brain skillz.

So no, I did not get in my copper foil over the holiday weekend.  But that didn’t stop my productivity!  Would you like to hear what I did?  OF COURSE YOU DO!  Why else would you be reading the ramblings of a crazed hamburger-addicted girl?  (I had three hamburgers over the weekend, now I have meatbrainitis.) 

I sketched out a design for two small paintings that I would like to do.  The canvases I have are 5”x5”, and the design flows from one panel to the other.  I’ve been fiddling with similar design patterns for awhile, and it’s something I’m excited about!  Think organic/geometric windows with a touch of intestines.  You read that correctly.  I’m still debating what medium to use (acrylic or oil) but I know that I’d like to somehow incorporate wax.  Should be a fun project to start later on!

I also rustled up four paintings that I completed a while ago.  I’d like to look into getting frames for them and hanging them up around the house.  One painting will have a standard frame, but the other is a triptych.  I don’t know what my obsession is with triptychs, but it looks like that one will have to be custom made too.  Damnit.

I started drawing a design for the light box that I’ll be building to house my stained glass piece.  I really hope that I can plan this out and execute it properly.  I might need more brain skillz to figure this one out.  Or maybe another hamburger?

And lastly, I am going to be starting a tie-messenger bag for my sister!  She’s in her last year of grad school, so I thought I’d make her something pretty that she can bring to class.  I hope I can sketch out the right dimensions and make it work!

foiling the beast.

left panel

You know what I just realized? I can type in different colors if I want. It's about to get silly up in here. ... on second thought, no it's not. That took me entirely too long to type. Screw colors.

right panel

Last night I finished cleaning and foiling the right panel pieces that I had previously cut. Tonight I'm going to finish up the pieces in the middle panel, which I already cleaned last night. Then... onto cutting the new pieces... SHIT, that is scary! I'm terrified of messing up.  Maybe I should do some practice pieces first so I don't throw a fit if I break a piece. Good idea...

holy s*** batman, my renewed energy is ridiculous.

On Monday night, I was thinking about how tired I was from running around like a nutcase and how I hoped that I'd be able to stay awake (and un-grumpy) to fully enjoy Tuesday night.  Little did I know then, that my mind tried to secretly sabotage me into thinking that way.  All because of that tiny bit of self doubt!  Shit, this thinking is impressive.  I need coffee to finish these thoughts.  Let's reflect.

How do I explain this properly?... if I have tasks to do today, I'll do them in the order that I've placed them... A,B,C, D, etc.  Before I go about these tasks, I think about how I will feel when I complete them. Remember?  On Monday night, I thought that I would feel tired and grumpy last night.  However, for one reason or another, last night I diverged off my usual path of inadvertently predicting my feelings, and I meandered into uncharted Jill waters.  It was very freeing, and it felt wonderfully un-anxious.  At the end of the night, I felt enjoyment because I did enjoy myself, not because I thought I would enjoy myself.  I think that's about as clear as that thought is going to get.

Diverging off my set path breathed life into my night and gave me this renewed sense of energy.  That sentence might not be grammatically correct, but honey badger don't care.  I face today with excitement about upcoming art projects and about life.  Move over Confucius, there's a new thinker in town. And she just finished her coffee.